Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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