can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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