Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
