apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
nutella sex= disaster
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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