I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
