Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
