Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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