I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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