I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
