Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
