Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
