He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
