whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
whose parrot is this?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
