don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
