My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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