please come you make the beer taste better
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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