Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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