I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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