Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
