i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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