he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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