Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
