Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how does that bad decision feel?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize