hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
