it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
