i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize