Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
