she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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