All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
