Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
NoShamevember. You game?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
