I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
