just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
