Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
