Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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