Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
