Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can't special order awesome
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
