Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
