cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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