On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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