ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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