I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
