I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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