Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
