so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
