Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
