I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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