So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
