i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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