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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
