I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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