im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The beers last night were like the tears from god
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
