u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
