Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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