he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
