Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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