There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
