I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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