Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
