you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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