I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
