for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
