I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You're like the curious george of whores
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
