I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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