I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just had sex on a roof
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
