does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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