We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
