Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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