I hate all girls vehemently.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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