theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
