she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
