I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
